The main sponsor was United States Postal Service and that’s as much intelligence I gathered for this blog. So here we are Johnny Fredneck and Saman Sand-Nigerian-Terrorist standing side by side, taking Red line to Metro Center in Washington, DC. I looked like I had just arrived from Fallujah … on my way to Walter Reed Hospital for a fix of fresh Asbestos … and dude smelled like he was dunked in Drakkar cologne, going to liberate Viet Nam.

Train began to role and I did what any man from Fallujah would do at 8 in the morning. I started staring at his massive jacket and began daydreaming. It was quite a moment and very obvious he was starving for attention. He’d peek at his Washington Times newspaper (sports/NASCAR section)… wait for a few seconds … then creep an eye up to see who’s checking his shit out? Kindda like me when I wear my Fidel Castro T-shirt in and around government offices in DC. Anyway … I thought it was cute for a 40 year-old man to show off how red his neck is at 8AM.

I was honestly impressed by his level of confidence for wearing something as repulsive as this thing …with a smirk on my face. I think it takes a lot of balls to pull off something like that on a Friday.

All of this took place in less than one goddamn minute when dude took another peek up and caught me cheery looking at him! That’s when our eyes locked and birds began singing “Live Bites” by Def Leppard. We had a connecting moment and dude finally met the “one” he was looking for. I was his first … and he was my first, ever. Fucking madness on Metro to work! The only bubble subtitle above my head was “fuck.” I looked away but it was too late. There were sparks everywhere and Love Bites was in middle of a guitar solo. I knew he wanted to ask me about my favorite car/driver… but I didn’t want to spoil the moment with my ignorance/lack of knowledge about NASCAR at 8:01AM. I had cheated him. I led him to believe we were the only 2 in North West DC. After all he would have probably taken a bullet for me … and here I was lying to his face!