I can not explain to how i feel................ My emotions are in a whirlwind right now. I try to remain calm try to keep a smile on my face, try to not have ppl asking me constantly what is wrong...... i try not to cry. try not to think of the last time i heard his voice. how he said to me" baby im ok, but they have to do surgery on my brian" why was his voice so weak, why didnt i go home then? I had faith he would make it. I wanted him to make it................
I don;t know anything right now, Im 3000 mi away from my family and have no way to get home, im trying to keep it together the best I can. But my brother dropped a bomb on me, i knew it was coming, just was hoping, wishing praying, he could hold on until i could get there, that he would wait for me, oh how i wanted him to wait for me. oh my lord why couldnt he have waited for me to come and see him.! I hate this i hate feeling like this. On top of me having to come to grips with his death, now i have to figure out how i am going to get home. I just want this all to go away, want this to not be so difficult. I love you so much dad, y did you leave me? you left me twice and ijust want to know why? Lord i need you to help me right now, help me stay strong and get through this. Help me find a way home in time please. Your little girl needs you please help me dad. i just wish you would come back.