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innocense_smile 10

innocense_smile's Blog

I Call Him Doe

So i met this guy back when i was 18. i was young dumb and in love many people would say.  Got engaged was gonna move to Idaho because he was in the air force and  stationed there. Needless to say that didnt happen. #2 of my sorry men blog is about him. 

I was one of those people that would do anything to keep their partner happy.  Keeping him happy kept me stressed out. He was one of those guys that loved u so much he couldnt do the right thing to show you. Everything he did had me wondering why the hell am i even here.  Now I'm not sure how he pulled his off but he managed to make me THE WOMAN and THE OTHER WOMAN at the same time. I mean i'm still tryin to figure this out till this day. I come from a very traditional family so submition was something i knew would be expected after i got married. But i guess i started doing that too soon because he ran over me and i just sat there and let him. I talked to his mother daily and she was always its okay i know he loves you and u're all he talks about. But then i go see him and his friends are asking me questions that dont make any sense to me. He told all of them that we were braking up 4 months before it happened. then there was the girl he was seeing before i came alone. well thats who he left me for. Irish and Korean high school drop out. She lies more than she washes her ass i promise to GOD she does. 

I think my bigest flaw is that i care too much about people's feelings. I've always been kinda like a care giver. i love making sure people are okay especially people i care about. Now this whole situation with him ended in 2004 but i still care a great deal about him.  Every once in a while he'll send and email to tell me he just wants to make sure i'm okay and that he still loves me and he's sorry for the things he did in the past.  I've accepted his apology but you know i dont trust this man for anything in the world.  But at the same time i still love him... just not in love with him any more. that ended years ago.

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Comments (3)

valarien

valarien wrote on Oct 06, 08:06 PM

Wow.... I have traveled this road with you and i am SO SORRY for your pain.

There is nothing wrong with caring about the feelings of others, but not to the degree that you neglect yourself. I think in many ways you are a mirror image of me. I will give and give and give because I believe in PEOPLE. But people will always do what they want to do, so if you are going to be that type of person, you have to learn to let hurts roll off of your back like water.

Sis, I am SO MUCH OLDER than you. LOL! But I can tell you that my first love is still a very constant part of my life. Its funny, because I don't trust him any farther than I can through him and let me just say he is not a little man! He holds a large part of my heart and always will, because of who he was to me, but more so because of who he is now. I LOVE that boy to the very fiber of my being. I used to love him down to his dirty drawers and flat feet and i still do, but it's different now. He has done so much wrong over the years and back then, so did I. We were two broken pieces that never quite fit together right, but somehow got stuck to one another and couldn't seem to get loose.

But about seven years ago, we REALLY looked at where we are. We love one another to distraction, but I knew him too well. He will fly across the country to be there when I cry and I will do the same for him. There is nothing in him I don't know intimately and that day we both realized that our love would never go away, but we weren't what God meant for our forevers, not together. He met his queen and he is driving her CRAZY, but he is IN LOVE with her and that pleases me SO MUCH! When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if that means its without you. That's the kind of love I have for him. We have come to a point in our lives where we no longer play games. It's all on the table at any given moment and we are happy like that. I am the holder of his legal papers, the emergency contact on his paperwork, because he knows that I will do everything I can to get his wife through it as easily as possible should something happen to him. I LOVE THAT BOY FOREVER, but I am not in love with him and he is not MY FOREVER.

Perhaps this is who this young man is to you. As they grow up, they see the wrong they have done. They want to fix it, but you can't go backwards. We aren't meant to live in the past. Love him for he is and who he has been then let him find his way.  You will be amazed what this will all look like in another five or ten years.

Keep your head up sis!
Much love!

princesstamtam

princesstamtam wrote on Oct 06, 10:49 PM

I understand.  I can empatize with you Jaz.

Mystical

Mystical wrote on Oct 31, 09:40 AM

I understand you Sis.I'm having a similar story and it's a damn headache.

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 06, 06:51 PM and tagged with my ex doe. It has been viewed 40 times and received 3 comments.

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