Who am I is what I ask each and everyday and at times I couldn't give you an answer all because there are times I am so confused of who I am.  I look in the mirror and sometimes I don't know who I am other than "Jeff's Wife".  I know in my heart that I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a student, and God's child all in one but sometimes that even don't make sense.  I know I am rambling about something that may turn out to be nothing but at the same time; it could turn out to be something.  I am a person with little friends but with a lot of associates, someone who easily can talk to someone but not the kind of person someone who wants to hang out with, and someone that somebody can call friend but at the same time have a hard time calling the same person "a friend".  I don't have any friends that I hang out with all because I can't find someone at my level that have similar interests as me to hang out with. 

What I mean is I am a loner and been a loner all of my life.  I am everyone's friend but nobody's best friend.  Life is funny that way I guess and there are times I wonder why.  I have always been someone's bride's maid but never a bride.  When I did become a bride; I didn't have anyone to invite nor did I have anyone to celebrate with other than myself.  My life is something you could call "a miserable life" to a certain point.  I hang out with myself if not with my husband and I don't call anyone because there isn't anyone I can call that is worth calling. 

I do have a friend but she lives out of state and haven't seen her in a couple of years and at times; I miss that sisterhood; that  communication, that friendship so much but I keep that hidden inside because there isn't anything I can do at the moment to change that.  I never had friends since high school and Margaret is the only friend that I made during my lifetime.  When I say Margaret is the only friend; I mean the only friend when it comes down to being a true friend who have been there for me as I been there for her through the good and the bad times. 

Yes, she missed my wedding all because I never told her that I was getting married let alone when I was getting married.  The reason being is because I didn't want to bother her with something so simple and so not ordinary.  She got onto me for that but still remained friends to this day.  I don't know about you but to me I still don't know who I am.

People used to say who you are is the people and the things that surrounds you but if that is true then I am everything that I am not.  I mean I am a wife to a wonderful man and living in a place that is not the best but it's what I call home and a mother to a child I haven't seen in 9 years to this day.  Who am I?  I lost myself along the way of trying to find my child and her father.  Deep down....I am everything that surrounds me but on the outside I am not.  I hope that makes sense.

Losing myself is what I do best and I guess it is a self defense mechanism in a way.  I am lost and need to be found.......I am blind and need to see........I lost my touch and need to feel again.