" Never mind how yu feel" she says while walking over to the foot of the bed.  My heart begins to race as she picks up the plastic covered oddity lying there.  Me buy yu one outfit when me go shopping last week.  I saw this and it jus bawled M'ah".

Bawled  M'ah I thought.  Is she out of her mind?  Imagine 1999 playing in the background….the dress doesn't scream M'ah.  It screams Purple Rain. Purple people eater, Barney, Purple Rain….  It is a two-piece purple grape Kool Aid colored jacket and skirt set.  It is made out of some shiny material that catches the light as if I was front row at a bad pyrotechnic show.  The neckline of the jacket is trimmed with lace that is the color of a ripe banana. To make matters worse, there are four large brass acorn shaped objects on the front of the jacket that I assume are buttons.  I open my mouth to protest but when I see the look of pure joy on her face I close it to regroup and plan an escape route.   i glance towards the window...no dice 3rd floor.

" Here M'ah.  Put it on we are going to be late for benediction."  When I was younger my doctor thought I had asthma, but I was later diagnosed with overwhelming mother disorder.  For those of you who watch Montel and Oprah it’s called OMD.  Some of the symptoms are chronic embarrassment, panic attacks, sudden outbursts of excuses and stress.  I feel one of these panic attacks coming on. 

She sets the boxes on the bed and shuts the door behind her.  There is a sound echoing in the room. It sounds like a cat on its 9th life making its final wishes before entering the Heavenly gates.  It takes me a minute to realize the sound is coming from me.  I clamp my mouth shut.  I wonder again why I let her do these things to me.  This is the last time I'm going to let her get away with this crap.  From now on my foot is coming down.  This New Year will yield a new M'ah. One with a backbone, one who doesn't let her mother talk her in to dressing like Barney the dinosaur.  I need to add this to my Resolutions list.  Ten minutes, 6 tissues and several tears later, I am dressed and ready to go.  My mother has always been under the impression that I am a petite little girl and I only wear large clothing to hide my delicate hour glass figure.  It looks like this idea has carried over into adulthood because the dress she bought is two sizes too small.  The jacket is so tight I can't lift or bend my arms; the buttons are straining against my breasts and my midsection.  The split at the back of the jacket lifts off my bottom so I look like a kite on take-off.  The skirt is even worse.  It has none of the yellow lace but it is so tight I have to shuffle when I walk.   On the verge of tears again, I open my mother's drawer and search for a pair of stockings. Of course the only pair I found is a set of white knee highs.  My calves are chubby so the stockings did not go as high as I would liked or even to my knees.  Well it can't get any worst. Returning to the bed I open the shoe box and my eyeballs almost fall out of my head. There is a pair of purple gators with a big gold buckle and three inch heels.  I hear my mother downstairs singing along to the music coming from the stereo.  I wonder if she thinks this is a joke.  At this point I really don't know what to do.  I am already wearing Prince's outfit from his 1997 concert tour and now I am slipping on Abe Lincoln's shoes.   Fuck!!!!